I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
