The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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