Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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