I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My ATM looks so different sober.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
