so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
