remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
