Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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