We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
