Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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