I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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