Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
