I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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