Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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