I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
