No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
