Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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