they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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