Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
