we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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