well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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