so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
