Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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