Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
