the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
