Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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