Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
