Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Your dad touched me again.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
