Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
