no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
