Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
