i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Boobs are out for the taking
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
