Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
