i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
