i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
