my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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