i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
