I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
