HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
