On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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