I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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