The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
