wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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