I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
