i dont even know how to be here
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
