You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
