Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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