I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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