I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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