the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just gargled with NyQuil
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
