If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
