Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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