Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
