member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
