I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
