Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
