i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
