If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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