so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
