I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
