there was a trapeze. enough said
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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