He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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