if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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