Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
