i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
