i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
