god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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