I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
